PathfinderI went to watch "Pathfinder" with Az this evening. It deals with battles and warfare between the Vikings and Native Americans, and a Norse boy who was left behind by his people and was brought up by the Natives, and who has to choose his allegience in the end.
To get the movie out of the way, I was hoping that the producer would've used slightly less stereotypes, such as the Natives being all benign and kind; being more backward than the Vikings; the young female protagonist having trimmed eyebrows; and other miniscule details.
At the end, after the Pathfinder (shaman) was killed, and his daughter elected the new Pathfinder, her whole tribe went on their knees to her. I kind of disagreed with that portion, but wouldn't know enough about each individual tribe to comment much.
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What I really want to talk about is to think through why I chose the shamanic path, and what I've experienced.
I went through eight years in a Methodist school. In those eight years, not one single thing has swayed me to Christianity or monotheism except for one single time, when I was fifteen and was in desperate need of guidance and support because of depression. I'd chanced upon a fictional book by Frank E. Peretti, who wrote about angels and demons fighting an ongoing war, and about which side humans chose to take.
I was so touched and so moved by that
fiction book I decided to give Christianity a try. For the maximum of one week.
It wasn't because I was lazy, or whatever else. It was because, even though I decided to try, I felt it innately that going down the monotheist path was inherently wrong, for me. Wrong, not as in morally wrong, but that it didn't suit me.
So, back I went to being an atheist.
JC times saw me awakening to my animal side. One thing led to another, and as I read up more on being otherkin, spirituality somehow took a place in my research, until I decided one day to explore "alternative religions," for lack of better words.
I was introduced to wicca, to the Kabbalah, to magick, to Rainbow Healing/Language of Light, and I kind of tried them all, except for the Kabbalah. I was doing tarot readings, dowsing using crystals, healing, and all sorts of other funny things, until, I'm not sure why, I read up on druidry and shamanism, and was so...struck by the latter that I felt compelled to give it a try.
Shamanism isn't about "giving things a try," I know that. As I read, I saw a conflict between the traditional ideas of shamans and shamanism, and the neo-shamanism, most noticably that of Michael Harner's. There was a conflict between serving the community, and being
chosen by spirits; and
deciding to take the path for
one's own "ascension" and fulfillment.
I started off by following quite closely to the Native Americans' ways, broadly categorized as they were. I got myself stones, crystals, a frame-drum (which I eventually gave to Foxy because its make wasn't suitable to Singapore's humid climate). I bought incense, tried to teach myself drumming best as I can. Ex cetera, ex cetera, ex cetera.
So...yes, I was on the "shamanic path." But which one? The books I bought from various new age stores such as
Whatever all dealt with either Celtic shamanism, or were way too fluffy, with most (if not all) the chapters dealing with self-healing, self-fulfillment, self-whatever. They dealt with light, light, light: the light and good and wheeee! of what shamanism really is. The only good book I'd read on shamanism was one I borrowed from the library: a list of shamanic practices throughout the world.
It was my good fortune to have read that book from the library, or else I might've been drowning in the wrong conclusion that shamanism is all light and do-good; but the book kept me in perspective, and made me realize that a (true) shaman walks the grey path, the middle path, balancing "dark" with "light." That book also made me realize that I'm still unsure on my decision if I truly want to walk the shamanic path as close to what a shaman walks.
Recent discussion on the LJ "shamanism" community also gave me new thoughts: who are shamanic practitioners, shamanists, and shamans?
The general consensus, from what I skimmed through, was that a shamanic practitioner/shamanist walks the path for his own fulfillment, and that he does not serve a community and is not elected; a shaman was chosen/elected by the community and/or the spirits, and serves the community/tribe he lives in/with. That kind of seems like classical vs. traditional shamanism to me.
So, when I think of it, is the path I'm now walking on
real? Because I was not chosen, but I chose; I do not serve my community, but myself (in a sense).
Or does that not matter beyond the path I've created, and continue to create for myself? And does not matter beyond a need and knowledge for balance, for walking between using "light" and "dark," and walking the Grey Path best as I can...
Am I a Pathfinder?
Or are we all?
