"Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity." - Christopher Morley.

So well. I decided to give myself a break yesterday afternoon. I've been working continuously for quite some time, and feel pretty exhausted in all aspects. Also, these days, the depression comes and goes. But I guess I should be thankful that it doesn't stay for as long as it did comparied to a few years ago.

There is also this...feel I keep getting, which frustratingly eludes me. It's like I'm supposed to know where my life is going, if only I could clear enough debris from my own-self to see. I know where I want to go, but I'm sidetracked and waylaid by obligations and by things I don't want to do. I haven't lost sight of my goal. So I guess the thing now would be to find out why I'm feeling this way.

But I digress.

I went to Punggol Beach on my own, after work. My intention was to find plants/herbs that would make good smudge sticks. I love this beach for its wildness, as compared to other beaches in Singapore, which have been commercialized to no end. Here, I find wilderness, the sea, maybe some rocks, railings, people fishing, a police outpost. But no toilets, no shelters, no nothing. And it's beautiful.

I took my time getting to my favorite spot beneath a casuarina pine tree, saying hello to the plants, and asking if I could borrow some of their parts, thanking them as I carefully snipped off flowers, stems and leaves. A few Bangladeshi (?) workers passed me, and they returned my smiles, which made me happy, for some reason.

When I got to the tree, I sat down, and attempted to light an incense stick. But the wind was so strong - as is its wont - that I had to hunch and shelter the lighter and the stick in-between my thighs. And that was when I noticed butterflies around me: a bright yellow one circled me once before fluttering crazily away, as if hyper and joyful; another brown one actually landed barely five inches from me, on my bag. For some strange reason, that felt like a trust given.

I tried to nap, but only succeeded in resting a bit, listening to the howl of the wind, the crash of the waves, the cawing of the many crows. They merged into a melody that was more soothing than any orchestra I've heard. Yes, even the crows. A few of them were eyeing me, but I ignored them, and sent out a mental message which said: if you don't bother me, I won't bother you. And they didn't come closer.

Storm clouds started gathering, so I decided to leave the beach early, and head for Punggol Park. Apparently, when I reached, the storm had died to a gentle shower over at the park. I decided to take a walk in it on the way home. And, seeing the numerous puddles, indulged myself and went to jump and splash in them, chasing a few pigeons, just being simply happy in the rain.

I really needed those simple joys, to let my animal side out for a bit of fun.