I swear that Asakura knows of my existance, and my presence, or something.

What's dangerous about being a writer is the number of minds we come into interaction with...is the number of minds our own mind becomes. Because, if you want to write about a person whose character is totally different from yours, you can't write from his perspective through your own experiences. You have to write through his--and others like him's--experiences.

I was writing about Asakura the other night in a fic I'm thinking of doing. Because, by moral and social conventions, he is a madman, I had to *become* a madman to give the words in that particular section of the story a proper feel.

I first lost all the moral conventions I'd gained as a human. Then, I thought like a madman: what I'd do if I didn't pose any restrictions on myself. And then, judging from what I know of Asakura (and, of this knowledge that we both know about each other because our rage provided for a bond of sorts) I *became* him, and just wrote, letting the words flow without conscious thought as to what they were.

And when that section was done, I practically had to *force* myself to withdraw from his/my mind. It was a struggle, since I enjoy rage. But I did it. And then I read that section.

It-freaked-me-out-big-time.

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't get freaked out easily. Fact is, even my family members have rarely--in my 19 years of living with them--seen me get F-R-E-A-K-E-D--O-U-T badly before.

Admitedlly, this isn't the first time I've entered into a madperson's mind. Those times, I was shocked at what I'd written in the stories, too. But when it's Asakura I'm drawing from, and his one of his intentions is to kill off two of my bonds who're in the same world as he is...no way. No--fucking--way.

Man, this is how I'll be like, and worse, if I ever let my moral conventions go.