By Valar, I just watched two episodes of Ryuki on the PC, and I've got almost 400 screen caps? That means I must have clicked the mouse at least 400 times. O_o Wow. Small wonder I've got CTS. Heh.

Remembered that last night, I was thinking about Masked Rider Oja, the guy who's supposedly insane, and is so full of rage all he wants to do every second is to fight. If he doesn't fight, he's not happy. And, just thinking about him, I felt my own rage increase, until I had to stop the images, because I was ready to start hitting anything and everything.

This afternoon, brought dad's shoes to the clobber. Fucking old men couldn't answer properly even after I've asked them three times, and then they scolded me. So, I called my dad, talked, hung up, grabbed the shoes, snapped at the men, and went off.

Pissed.

Reached my block, got into the lift. I was alone. Bam! Started slamming my left arm (from wrist to elbow, using the edge) against one of the walls, using a lot of my body weight so that the force would be harder. Arm throbbed with pain, and it was GOOD.

I don't need Oja (his name in the show is Takeru...or Takeshi Asakura) to be my bond to affect me so much. In fact, I don't even need his influence to be like him. So...

I just realized that two things amongst many others will bring up the rage in me: 1) Fear; 2) Helplessness (connected to #1). Everytime I feel afraid, the first instinct I'll have is: paralysis. Then, within a few seconds (at most a few minutes), I feel the rage come, that: why the hell should I be afraid? "You don't know fear half as well as it knows you," said Batman. Then, I'll make myself know it.

Hence, the anger.

I just had a thought: Oja's anger might have affected me in that it became a trigger for the release of my own repressed anger to surface. And because--if what I guess is true--that anger has been building up for more than 10 years, it's really a lot. Imagine that: more than 10 years worth of anger.



That barring of teeth by Asakura? Beautiful. Expresses anger the most for me. Heh.