I just figured out: it ain't the work, nor the customer interactions that drive me wacked, but the staff-interaction and cramped workspace.

Anyone who ever patronized NSEWT before will know that it's a fucking small space where everyone cramps with everyone else. And then, the boss and the staff keep talking and talking...man! Why can't they just train me, and then LEAVE ME ALONE to run the fucking shop?

I initially thought it was work, and human interaction making me depressed. But nope. I've worked before (most recent one being a sales promoter for toys) without feeling cramped or depressed, mainly because the boss isn't there at all, and us promoters are left there to work as we will. I deal pretty well with the customers and other staff members (2 other promoters, about 6 other staff from Bestway).

And the space! Grr...around 3 meters by 2 meters? What kind of fucking space is that for anyone to work with? Okay, so maybe I'm more particular about space cuz I'm slightly claustrophobic. I can usually deal with it. Just not to this extent. And then, I'm a wolf and eagle. Need space to run, to fly. :s

*sighs* Okay, enough about fucking work. I'm making myself depressed all over again.

Told Saber something about my eagle-phenotype. My wolf one's pretty established and on the surface already, but the eagle one confuses me.

I've rarely had very impactful and obvious mind-shifts into eagle form when I'm awake. Most of my eagle-shifts are dream-shifts, unlike my wolf-phenotype, where the shifts are mostly mind-shifts.

In 8 of 10 of the eagle dream-shifts, I recall myself only being a human with wings (can't remember the color and type of feathers), kinda like Archangel. Not an angel/elf (that's Sharon), but like either a) a human with wings, or b) a human stuck between shifts, not being able to fully become either.

And then in those dreams, I've never been able to fly very high. Not even as high as a small bird can. There was fear, and also, even with the greatest exertion, nope, the wings wouldn't take me higher.

Saber came up with the possibility that it's because I'm still new on this path...a fledgling, if you will. So, as I progress more upon my path of spirituality and greater awakening, I might come to my full form as a mature eagle.

I sure hope so.