Blog Description

Gilael Shadowsong

About Me

Wolf, eagle, possible dragon Of darkness, of shadows, of juxtaposition of peace and chaos

Wish List

= Nokia 6280 or Nokia 6233 by December*
= A new pair of rimless glasses
= 2 to 3 more pairs of jeans*
= Lucifer arc
= Sandman volumes 7-10
= Sarah Brightman or Loreena McKennitt's CDs

Places to go

My Wishlist
My fanfictions
Otherkin.net
My sketches and wallpapers
My Witches' Voice profile
Strange Maps
Squid

Archives

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Tagboard


Credits

Skin by: sixseven
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Saturday, July 24, 2004

Seems that those who were depressed for a long time before are doing slightly better. But newcomers to the Depression thread are in the "worst" stage, where the veterans of the thread (including me) were when we were doing extremely bad. Heh.
 
I've been feeling better lately, but it really remains to be seen whether the mood will last. Like for today, the mood suddenly plummetted cuz I was looking at a picture taken in Sweden. Ysi sent it to me, because when she saw that pic, she instantly thought that its nature was my own, and sent to me. I agree with her on her assessment.
 
Work has been a lot of hell, yes. But now...I dunno. Perhaps because of the weight of depression having been lifted from me for a while, I've found some strength back to continue working, aiming for school's end, where I can finally leave Singapore, leave urban civilization, and move to some place quieter...someplace where I can be more in tune with the balance of nature and of the more mystical forces at work.
 
I've known a lot of pain. Many of those are self-inflicted. I guess I need to heal. I was telling my second uncle about my wish to get a PR in Australia (for my family) and stay in Ireland long-term/permanantly, and he laughed (not unkindly) and said that when I reach his age, reality will take over and I'll realize that all those are but dreams.
 
True. And untrue. Reality has already hit me very hard for the past few years, ever since I found out that I may be different from many others in an integral sense. No, I'm not talking about each person being unique and different, but about being apart because of some stuff...being not of the crowd, or perhaps of the race.
 
But because I've taken too many beatings from reality, died because of it, but have been given a new lease of understanding, I'm hitting back. And I'm hitting back much harder. Reality is dark. I'm darker. I refuse to let my dreams be taken away from me, because they're much more real to me than reality can ever be. Say what they will. My dreams stay with me, unless I let them go.


Casey blogged at 1:59 PM